Lately Xander surprised me with a confession.
-‘You were the first woman I ever had anal sex with’, he informed me casually during one of our long evening conversations. ‘Not that I hadn’t wanted to before, mind you, they were just never open to it’.
Whoever said that your partner cannot still surprise after years of countless sexual encounters!
Our first time together with Xander was years ago. Though large parts of this fateful night have passed in a sensual haze, we still remember vividly a lot of exciting but also mundane minor details. You touched my cheek when you kissed me to say hello. I was fixating on your lips, longing to kiss them. You came to sit next to me on the couch. I remember exactly all the thoughts going through my head when our lips first touched.
-‘I knew you’d be a good kisser…’, was pretty much the last thing I said to him. And then the conscious part of my brain switched off and our bodies took over.
I had been sexually deprived at the time and my appetite was enormous. It’s not necessarily easy to ask a new sexual partner to do out-of-the-ordinary things in bed. Luckily my lust was more intense than any sense of politeness or shame I might have had.
-‘Do you like… erm… would you mind if I… guide you to… erm… my favourite spot?’, I blurted at some point.
Now Xander happens to have an open attitude towards sexual experimentation, but I couldn’t have known this back then. He disguised his surprise so well that I didn’t guess his inexperience in this particular area. And his performance certainly didn’t betray him.
I guess sometimes there is no way around it. You just have to ask if you want to know. A person you’ve just met always poses a risk. They might freak out and never see you in the same way again. A person you already know and sleep with for a long time might constitute an even bigger danger, if sexual experimentation is not a regular discussion subject.
And the question of anal sex is admittedly tricky. I see why it’s not everybody’s cup of tea: the channel is not made for penetration. Which is not necessarily conclusive. Breasts were not conceived to be a sexual toy either, but this does not exclude them from giving both men and women great pleasure. My point is, if you’ve not tried properly, how would you know whether you like it or not?
Anal sex does take some preparation and stimulation. Some more time in the beginning and definitely the willingness to experiment from your partner’s side. Most of all, what it takes is curiosity and knowing your own body. My credo? You either need a really experienced partner. Or you start by exploring by yourself to see what you like and what you don’t like. Relax and enjoy the altogether different sensation of this part of your body. Go on a reconnaissance tour of your orifices and who knows? You might open a new door to erotic pleasure in your life!