Proposing kinky sex to your partner | Female advice
Proposing kinky sex to your partner can be challenging.
Especially if you are not in the habit of nourishing a common sexual space. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to wave goodbye to your plans of kinky sex with the one you love. All it takes is some planning, careful tactics and lots of warming up to it!
Some female advice
Xander and I discuss our fantasies and our kinky wishes freely between us. Our sexual communication has been straightforward from the beginning but we actively nurtured that openness as our relationship evolved.
You see, at times, it’s simpler to put forward a daring plan to somebody you’ve just started sleeping with rather than expose yourself to your long-standing partner. For better or for worse, intimacy goes hand in hand with entitlement and with a (false) sense of ownership. And though you want to stay adventurous in your relationship, you definitely don’t want to upset your partner by proposing kinky fantasies.
So how do you go about proposing kinky sex to your partner without risking to hurt their feelings?
Mars attacks – Venus strikes
Let’s set one thing straight: men are not the only ones to have kinky fantasies to propose to their partners. According to this “good in bed” survey, “women are significantly more likely than men to have engaged in a wider variety of sexual activities”.
That said, women do tend to suppress their needs more than men and would possibly hesitate more to propose kinky sex so as not to distress their partner.
No matter your gender, whether in a heterosexual or homosexual, monogamous, polyamourous or monogamish relationship, the pitfalls of suggesting something kinky in a relationship are quite similar.
So, here are a few ideas about proposing kinky sex to your partner:
1. The nonchalant way
Probably the most cautious way to propose kinky sex to your partner, although not necessarily the most successful one. The recipe is simple: you play with an idea just to explore the territory before you get down to actually discussing it. If your partner seems interested, then you take it to the next level and start planning. If, on the other hand, they freak out, well, then you can always invoke a misunderstanding, misinterpreting and/ or temporary lunacy to put the incident behind you. You’ll hardly get a medal for bravery, but then again you are making love, not war!
-Aliki, you’ll never guess what I found online today!
-Hmm, what, baby?
-I stumbled on an actual site for sex slaves!
-Say what, Xander?!
-It’s like a dating site, but for people who want to either be or find a sex slave.
-Seriously? And how does it work then?
-I don’t know baby, I only checked the front page.
-Ha…I’ll check it out… Wait a minute… were you checking online for a sex slave, babe?
-Oh well, you know, since Ben and Kelly mentioned they have one, I am intrigued…
2. The bold way
Personally, I am a big fan of the bold method to lure your partner into hot kinky sex.
This modus operandi is not for the faint-hearted! It’s a high-stake game and does not work at any given moment. But boy, it feels good when you get it right! Xander has applied this method on me a few times in the past and, apart from getting us to live memorable moments, he has managed to deepen my admiration for him.
Tactics are quite straightforward. You don’t plan, you don’t ask, you don’t negotiate. You just go for it.
Keep an eye on your partner though to make sure that your enthusiasm is contagious! Be bold but prudent; otherwise, you might find yourself getting carried away, leaving your partner behind.
On a frustrated evening a couple of days ago
“So, what do you mean, Xander? That we’ll have to put up with this forever? I really think we have a serious incompatibility here!” I moaned at Xander at the dinner table the other night.
I guess every couple has its own recurring fighting themes; Xander and I were having one of those arguments again.
Except that this time, Xander, instead of contributing to the argumentation, decided on an alternative tactic. He stood up, came closer to me and started undoing his belt and zipper. My reaction was immediate. I felt my nerves dissipating and soon my moaning took a whole new dimension. An inspired way to turn the mood of the evening, to say the least!
3. The sexed-up way
My personal favourite. And apparently, a lot of other peoples’ too according to our little gallop performed among friends. It seems that the best way of proposing kinky sex to your partner is in bed while having sex.
There is a subtle technique to it. You throw the ball in the heat of the moment, in bed while you are holding your partner in your arms. For Xander and me, this is the best moment to cross the line between abstract fantasizing and actually starting to plan our next kinky fantasy together.
-Yes, Xander, yes, baby, keep on doing what you are doing to me!
-I am doing a lot of things to you, Aliki, what exactly do you like?
-I love the combination, baby, I like this multiple stimulations! Xander…. do you think you’d be up for a threesome with a man?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
There are more and less ‘safe’ methods when you consider proposing kinky sex to your partner. Ultimately keep in mind that none of them is foolproof! It all depends on the moment. Relationships (especially horny ones) are not exact sciences. And as they say: “nothing ventured, nothing gained”.
What’s important is that you feel free to discuss your fantasies, that your partner gets the space to say no if he or she is not in the mood and that you never feel judged if they don’t feel like playing along.
Photo credit: Couple of Secrets by Cristina de la Madera and Shibari Kinbaku and Calibra on Pixabay
